The Doctor Evil Financial Report – January 2009

The world is about to end…I just checked with Dr. Evil Financial and we are going to need one ga-jillion dollars to bail out all the insolvent banks around the world.

The world is about it end…unemployment will shoot past 20%, bringing down the “average working hours a week” to an unheard of number, otherwise known as 2.6 more hours a week more than France has averaged since World War II.

The world is about to end…one of George W’s last acts as president was to put a 300% tariff on Roquefort cheese. Protectionism will lead us down a scary path, but at least now it will smell a whole lot better.

The world is about to end…over the past 7 years the absolute yield for a European company to issue debt has averaged 5.04%. Today, it is at the “end of the world” rate of 6.20%.

The world is about to end…Nokia, that cell phone maker that some of you who don’t own IPHONES or BLACKBERRIES, still use issued 1.75 billion Euros of debt, and orders for 9.0 billion Euros of that debt.

The world is about to end…the gall of companies like Amazon, Google, Netflix, Barclays, McDonalds, IBM, and Apple reporting decent earnings. How dare they!

The world is about to end…the consensus now estimates it could take between $2 and $4 trillion dollars to clean up this mess, and yet no one must have told the market because it moved 20 points.

The world is about to end…bond default insurance prices has been dropping like a stone and yields on investment grade and junk bonds have been contracting quicker than Jessica Simpsons waistline will need to contract before the next tour. Seems the people with Black Swain money and shadow banking money know that companies actually will exist in 2010.

The world is about to end…Coke just scrapped the use of “classic” from their cans and bottles to “take one source of confusion away (that younger consumers may have)”. Really, the “classic” label was added in 1985 after it introduced New Coke. That means anyone born circa 1985 only knows Coke as Coke Classic since New Coke only made it long enough to be a footnote. We should bring New Coke back and call it “Thriller Coke”.

The world is about to end…Obama is scathing Wall Street for bonuses in a time like this, when his new right hand finance man Tim Geithner just got a $500,000 severance for leaving the NY FED, in addition to his $500,000 salary.

The world is about to end…Do you think Blagojevich’s recent purchase list at Amazon includes “Jedi Mind Tricks – Focus and Happen It Shall”.

The world is about to end…Jim Goldman almost wrote a critical sentence about Apple. 462 blog posts and we almost got him to question his BFF Steve Jobs and how Apple handled the Jobs illness. Wow, what is the world coming too?Good Luck Chuck download Riff-Raff download

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